my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
