I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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