we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
