2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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