Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
