If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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