people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
