I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
