You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
