So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
