Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
