Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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