I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
