Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
