I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
