one two three fourrrrnication!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
