remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
