i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
