i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
