How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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