Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Everyone says I win the strip club
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
