Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
