my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
