she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
