I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
worst night to have a conscience
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My life is pants optional.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
