i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
