At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
