Jerry, you need to find god
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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