i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
