Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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