i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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