I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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