just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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