cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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