why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
