I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
