I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
