I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
