I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
