How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
