I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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