Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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