ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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