Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
