Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
