I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
