he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
