and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the liver wants what the liver wants
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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