Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
