I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
