This girl is more easily done than said...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
