i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
