You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
