i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
