I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
